[AUTHOR’S NOTE: If you don’t follow the links and listen to the music, it will be your loss, not mine. I’m listening to every song as I check the links in preview mode. There is a point being made with each song selection.]
A friend of mine likes to wish me a happy birthday with the encouragement to have another pleasant journey around the sun.
Thank you, Sir Charles, I believe that I will celebrate my birthday. But today I’d like to plan a very different kind of celebration.
When I was young and foolish, I appreciated the cynical perspective of Roger Waters and Pink Floyd, expressed with a faintly similar ring in their classic song Time:
So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it’s sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you’re older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.
Unfortunately, it seems the older I get, the better I was. And now that I’m getting a little shorter of breath and closer to death myself, I don’t play that song nearly as often as I once did. The lyrics remain brilliant, but they are also depressing as hell. Thanks for that reminder!
On the other hand, death is…natural. The end of life is part of the life experience. There’s no need to get all worked up about something that is guaranteed to happen. While I’m fully cognizant of my own mortality, I personally don’t like to dwell on negative thoughts. I want to enjoy life to the best of my ability as long as there is quality, and I have been blessed with extraordinary genetics. But I have no desire to prolong the inevitable.
Besides, I have no real reason to expect death for at least another thirty or forty years, so these plans may seem a bit premature. On the other hand, this is a one-and-done proposition; I don’t expect to have to plan my own funeral more than once.
And eventually, I am going to die. So let’s just get this over with, shall we?
Spoiler alert — you’re going to die, too. It’s not a question of if, but when. No exceptions. From the day I was born, my days have been numbered. Over time, I’ve watched family and friends transition into death before me, inspiring me to start thinking about that eventuality. Some deaths were expected, lingering and painful. Some were swift and without warning.
I enjoy life, but I do not fear death. I know too much about NDEs. I’ve become friends with a man who once died and went to hell. I believe death is nothing to fear. The process of death will be a temporary discomfort no matter how I die, because I’m taking every painkiller they’ll give me if I’m ever diagnosed with terminal cancer. When the end becomes inevitable, just sign me up for that morphine drip. Only after I’ve maximized my potential for this life will I be ready for it to end. Of course, my death may come when I least expect it — not unlike the Spanish Inquisition.
Therefore, I’m formalizing these plans in advance to spare my family any unnecessary decision making when they might be feeling some stress. Barring unforeseen circumstances, these plans won’t be necessary for another thirty or forty years at minimum, but you never know.
This is one of those situations where proactive action is absolutely necessary, because by definition, at the point they will be needed, I won’t be reacting to anything. As far as my mortal body is concerned, I’ve only asked that the undertaker would stab my corpse with a very long, sharp needle…just to be absolutely sure that I’m really dead before he incinerates my body.
Then scatter my ashes as fertilizer when you need to plant a tree, or scatter me over the ocean.
Just don’t be standing upwind if you do, like Walter did in The Big Lebowski. Personally, I like the idea of new life benefiting and growing as a direct result of my death. Please don’t waste good, hard-earned money burying ashes.
But that’s enough of this morbid stuff. It’s time to plan the celebration!
Working from the assumption that some of the people attending my funeral will actually be mourning (admittedly, there will probably be a few atheists glad to see me go), I don’t expect people to be happy to be there for my sending-off party.
So I’m thinking Hurt, written by Trent Reznor and performed by Johnny Cash, might be the perfect song to begin my funeral service. And while the Man in Black still has the stage, I think his classic God’s Gonna Cut You Down will serve as the perfect reminder to the attendees that their day will come, too.
Naturally, as a Christian, my funeral should have a few readings from the Bible. My preference is for reading verses that are short and get right to the point, because I don’t want people to get bored at my funeral. Keep it snappy, and keep it moving, so you can get back to living the rest of your lives.
What I do http://relaxapartmanitara.com/muslima-reviews-2/all-right-check-some-one-please-assist-me-all/ not want is a bunch of people to stand up and tell lies about what a great guy I was. Remember, Jesus once berated a guy for calling him good, saying no one is good but God.
Since I’m Never Gonna Be As Big As Jesus, as Audio Adrenaline pointed out, that would not be appropriate. I’ll leave it up to whomever is handling my final arrangements to decide if a song ought to make the final cut…if left up to me, there’d be music, read a couple of Bible verse, and then move on to the potluck buffet.
It’s a bold transition to go from Johnny Cash to Christian rock, with nothing in between. I know my favorite AA song would definitely weird out people at a funeral, but I’d love to hear it one more time…I even like the cheesy video that goes with it. Perhaps a more appropriate choice for transitional music would be Awesome God by Rich Mullins, but I have told my son it would be funny to play like Breakfast in Hell by the Newsboys because the lyrics amuse me, but only if he deemed it appropriate.
For the constraints of time, it probably won’t make the final cut. But if I had my way, my friends in ApologetiX would show up and play a whole concert of their songs such as Death. Because I don’t really know how or when I will die (yet) it might be appropriate for them to play Lemonade or perhaps Sufferin’ Just Finished. I want everyone there to see me off to fully appreciate my admittedly warped sense of humor.
In the hopes that people are there to remember me fondly, perhaps the readings could start with the Old Testament. Ecclesiastes 7:1 sounds appropriate: http://pulsobeat.com/tag/bikini-jazz/ “A good name is better than precious ointment, and the day of death than the day of birth.”
I especially like the positive spin there at the end. As for any other Bible verses to be read, I will leave some of the choices up to the person handling the details, but I’d like them to include the wisdom of Jesus from Matthew 5:4: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
Reading 2 Timothy 4:6-8 would also be appropriate:
…The time of my departure has come. 7I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; 8in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing.
No matter what happens between this day and my last, I cannot envision that should ever change. And of course, read Philippians 1:21-23, to end on a high note:
“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.”
Because I believe Romans 10:9 is true, I am almost obnoxiously confident of what happens after my end, so people at my funeral should not be too bummed out. Hopefully when I do die, I will have become too old to be the life of the party anymore.
One of the great joys of my life has been listening to really good music. When I attended the visitation for my friend Derek only two short years ago, who passed away suddenly and much too soon, I was reminded by the similarity in our musical tastes that went all the way back to high school. I do hope people might hear a song at my funeral that brings a smile to their face.
Not everyone will appreciate my sense of humor, but those who do think I’m hilarious. For those who don’t, I have Carrie Underwood.
I am hoping the very best versions of a few personal favorite hymns would be played: Amazing Grace by Il Divo, and Carrie Underwood’s version of How Great Thou Art would be nice. Just so no one will be offended by my idea of a joke. I want the people at my funeral to have at least half as much fun as I’ve had planning it.
Most importantly, I want the people at my funeral to feel uplifted on their way out the door, and that calls for this terrific “flash mob” version of the Hallelujah chorus from Handel’s Messiah.
Send me home on a high note.
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