Archives for 2011

Last night we held our scheduled meeting of WAG, the Writer's Alliance of Georgia. Beverly served as our lovely and gracious hostess, which means she set the evening's agenda. She challenged us to think under pressure.  A hat was passed containing ten slips of paper. Each slip had both a number and the name of a celebrity or other famous figure in history. We were given ten minutes to think of something to write in the voice of the name on the slip. I drew Henry VIII. What could I think of to say as the famous king of England in ten minutes or less? I gently edited the work to make it slightly more readable, but resisted the temptation to add any new lines except one I really wanted to add has been separated from the original work by parentheses. This was the best I could do in the time allotted... It’s not easy being a monarch. My life’s ambition was to be a florist. (I'm particularly fond of peonies.) It’s not easy holding the power of life and death over people. It gets rather tedious after a while. I need to think of a new line besides “Off with his head!” One doesn’t really get a choice in these matters. I inherited my throne. To be sure, holding the crown does have its advantages. When the church gave me problems about my wanting a divorce for a lack of an heir, I started my own. If I wanted a new wife, I simply got rid of the old one. It seems that I’ve got a thing for women named Catherine. I’m so fond of them, only one has had her head chopped off to date. I rather liked Jane Seymour, but I never trusted her after that … [Read more...]

Hillary Clinton famously claimed "it takes a village to raise a child." Meet Jose Longoria, village idiot. In his court, young mother Rosalina Gonzales recently pled guilty to a felony charge of injury to a child. Her heinous crime?  Ms. Gonzales dared to spank her two year old daughter. Prosecutors described the charge as a "pretty simple, straightforward spanking case." Then why bother to prosecute? Ms. Gonzales did not use a belt or bruise her child, but the spanking did apparently leave some red marks on the toddler's rear end. Charging this mother with any crime, much less a felony, is appalling. It's a farce. The meddlesome grandmother rushed the little girl to the emergency room merely because she'd been spanked. Did she panic, thinking the red marks were some sort of unusual allergic reaction? Nothing about this story implies child abuse was involved, only parental discipline. Yet in his wisdom, presiding Judge Jose Longoria admonished her and said, You don't spank children today. In the old days, maybe we got spanked, but there was a different quarrel. You don't spank children. Then what do you do?  Read them a story? Now the courts can even decree how to raise a child... I remember as a young boy once being spanked by my father hard enough to leave bruises. I also remember that I richly deserved it. I'd thrown an object at a moving car, then ran away. It was a toy plastic "Tony the Tiger" paw from a box of Kellogg's Frosted Flakes. The cereal might be great, but it really isn't a good idea to throw anything at a moving … [Read more...]

In case you weren’t aware, “Doctor” Al Gore branched into a new literary genre; he wrote a poem, included it in his book Our Choice: a plan to solve the climate crisis. The plan in Al’s book is rather simple. It can be condensed into four words: give me your money. If you’re interested in hearing Al read his own poem, click here. Personally, I preferred Porter E. Porter’s “beat” version.  The bongos add a nice touch. Only about five minutes of my life were wasted writing this poem in response to Al’s; my own lackluster effort to tell the real inconvenient truth. I do not expect this throw away effort to be compared to one of my favorite poets, William Butler Yeats.  Al, neither are you equal to W.B. Yeats. This is no "Lamentation of the Old Pensioner." Yeats's poem still sends chills down my spine, more than 30 years after my first reading. These poems, written by Al and me, are more like something that might have been written by Wile E. Coyote. Please keep in mind that I only spent about five minutes on mine during lunch, as you read…   Ode to Al Gore Climategate fraud Peer-pressured reviews An Inconvenient Truth, my butt Vapid brains soak in  kool-aid Feverish demands thirst for carbon taxes Nobel rolls over in his grave People flee the low-lying coast Al steals a bargain on beachfront property Powerpoint slideshows and hockey stick graphs B.S. is shown in the classroom Give me an Oscar, fool Shadowy scientists Hide the decline Greed seeks your money The blame of Chicken Little On air is … [Read more...]

Last week while driving around Atlanta, I saw a new bumper sticker that made me chuckle at first. I love my country, but I think it's time we started seeing other people. It then occurred to me the owner of this vehicle most likely meant this interpreted as protest of various efforts to draft laws attempting to consistently define how to treat the very serious problem of illegal immigration.  These laws have been proposed because the federal government has failed to secure our borders. I have not forgotten that we are still in the midst of crisis in national security and a financial meltdown. Our country faces imminent bankruptcy, but Nero fiddles while Rome is burning. If given the opportunity I would say to this fellow motorist that it is not racist to support law enforcement and legal immigration, or to oppose illegal immigration. If the driver in front of me really wants to "see other people" besides the legal residents and visitors to our country, let me remind him of the slogan of our locally based service provider.... Delta is ready when you are. … [Read more...]